Recovery is everything I imagined and more. I never thought I’d be how I am today - I eat all anorexia’s ‘forbidden foods’; I never count calories or check the fat content of foods; I eat whenever and whatever I want; …I am not dictated by clothes size; I wear clothes that flatter and show off my shape; I have boobs; I live life to the full & enjoy new experiences; I’m not ashamed of the fact I used to have an eating disorder - it has shaped me into the person I am today, and recovering has helped me to make amazing friends and given me amazing opportunities. Anorexia does not control me. I will ALWAYS speak out about my eating disorder as how else will people know how absolutely amazingly awesome recovery is!!!!!

It frustrates me that we live in a world where people have to wait for treatment; that people are told ‘lose more weight and then you’ll qualify for treatment’; that there is so much stigma attached to eating disorders still and society thinks we do it for attention. Eating disorders kill. Eating disorders are a mental health illness. Recovery is more possible with early intervention. That’s my wish. To help every sufferer to recover. IT IS POSSIBLE.

Is Anyone Out There?

From 6th November:

This post is from last year but it is still relevant now. I have had boys say I am ‘intimidating’ but that’s only because they knew I had a Masters and lived in Australia!

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Is there anyone out there?

I realise it has been a ridiculous amount of time since I last wrote on here! I’ve been busy with work and social things including being at London Fashion Week which was so amazing!

My blog today is about guys and the fact none of them can deal with the fact I used to have an eating disorder. Sometimes I feel like shouting note: I USED TO have an eating disorder. I am recovered now and it barely affects my life, except for some health problems and a little insecurity. Yet as soon as someone even sees I used to be anorexic they go funny on me.

You will have read the posts before about the guy in Australia and my ex who used it to his advantage.

Now I have had one guy who had asked me out but the time he added me on facebook, I had posted a link to a recent article on my anorexia. Needless to say I never heard from him again. Some would say he’s not worth it, which is true. Its just yet another example of guys not accepting I am recovered.

Now I have had a boy who has been interested in me for over a year, asking if we have a chance. I said I dont know- most are put off by my past. He said the past is the past (exactly!) but I questioned him more he thinks my past is just my ex. Nope. In a fit of frustration I told him to google me, read the articles and we will seee if he is still interested. Surprise surprise I have not heard from him since.

Maybe its not just the anorexia. Maybe its the fact through anorexia, I have given presentations at the House of Commons and in Italy; been at an awards ceremony in the Victoria and Albert museum; been on the front covers of the newspaper; been on the radio and am writing a book. Maybe its more they can’t handle my success? I dont know. I’m done with it all.

What caused my anorexia

Not that I think anyone believed that twit that I didn’t know what an eating disorder was but I do know some people believe anorexia is only about appearance (i.e some woman said it was only out of vanity!) so I thought I’d share some of the reasons why I developed anorexia aged 16.

1. Bullied by my friends at school - I wanted to be invisible then no one could pick on me anymore
2. A guy at school constantly called me a dog and ugly - since I had never had a boyfriend, I believed him
3. Family issues - a lot of things; most significant that sadly my eldest brother is an alcoholic
4. I didn’t fit in anywhere
5. Perfectionism
6. Expectations at school; college and within society
7. I thought that by keeping myself as a child I would please my parents
8. Control
9. My anorexic world was safe

As always I want to stress that I am glad I recovered; I feel so lucky to be alive and I will ALWAYS raise awareness of eating disorders and show recovery is possible!