What Anorexia Is Really Like

From 30th November 2012; this was after I appeared on BBC3 and a guy called Venice, who basically wrote a pro-ana book, made me upset by trying to say I did not have a clue about eating disorders!

This is something else I had wanted to say to Venice on Tuesday night. His claims that being really thin is healthier than anything else is dangerous.

I didn’t realise the extent of what was happening to my body. My hands started to turn blue and I was always freezing even on a hot summer’s day. What I didn’t realise was my body was shutting down and I was weeks from death.

This is what happens:

• My brain shrunk - I had low levels of concentration, I was irritable
• My heart started to eat itself. There not enough body fat to protect the heart, anaemia, which weakens the blood, can develop and there is commonly poor circulation. This means that the heart is not able to pump and circulate blood effectively.Severe anorexia results in the loss of muscle mass, including heart muscle. Consequently, the muscles of the heart can physically weaken, there can be an overall drop in blood pressure and pulse can contribute to slower breathing rates.
• My body shut off everything except what was vital to live
• Light hair grew on my body in an attempt to keep me warm
• I had chillblains; my body was always freezing
• I had low levels of blood; white blood cells and protein
• I was so weak that once I had been stopped by the unit it took me about 30 minutes to walk a 5 minute walk
• My hair fell out
• Having a bath or sitting down hurt because the bones in my bottom and back stuck out so much
• I lost my periods. To this day I still don’t know if I can have children
• I developed osteoporosis in my spine; although it has since improved I still have weak bones - my ankles and knees click; my hips and elbows hurt
• I now have an inflamed sternum from overexercising

Anorexia is NOT glamorous. Anorexia is not for attention or out of vanity.
I know I am extremely lucky to have survived. This year marked my eight years of ‘being alive’ - I may still have down days but I am glad to be alive; I am glad to have recovered.