What Recovery Means to Me

I am going to be honest and show you what life as a recovered anorexic can be like. I know that even though it can seem a long way off, you too can be free from your eating disorder as well.

• · When I come home from a night out, I always get some bread and margarine and a packet of crisps. When you are drink you need salty and greasy food!
• · I was incredibly hungover last Saturday when I was in London with my mam. I knew I needed to eat something to feel better. However I didn’t just do it because I had to; I actually wanted chips and they were amazing! I ate them with my fingers, straight from the bag, drizzled in vinegar and salt. And what a great view I had! Sitting opposite the Cutty Sark in Greenwich.
• · It is having an obsession with strawberry laces; or eating sweets in bed with a good book; it is having a huge ice cream outside the Trevvi in Rome (whilst there as a Beat ambassador!) and being so full that was your tea!
• · Of course I eat healthily too but I am not afraid of eating things that anorexia would have forbid
• · I am not afraid to try new things, eat out at restaurants or a other people’s houses where I have no control
• · From being at university and having a part time job in bars, I have learned to eat at different times of the day and eat more when needed for energy
• · I am sick of having weak bones and knees that click so to get healthy and to be able to continue my swimming, I am trying to have lots of calcium. Milkshakes, Babybel, hot chocolate etc.
• · I do not eat or drink diet stuff unless I actually prefer the taste
• · I can go swimming and not think people are staring at me
• · When I go out I wear skimpy dresses; little bra tops; halternecks; cut out dresses. I like showing off my body!
• · I have done a photo shoot in a bikini
• · I am not afraid to show boys my body nor am I scared of sex
• · I do not know my weight as why care? I go on how I look and how my clothes fit
• · I have gotten changed in front of people (In Australia there were no cubicles in the swimming pool changing rooms!)
• · I am tall and I embrace that
• · I have curves which I love and make a point of wearing clothes which flatter them
• · I exercise because I like it and want to be toned. It is not about losing weight and I am not obsessive about it
• · I know I can’t do extreme sport or a lot of it because my inflamed sternum flares up and my knees and ankles click. As an anorexic I would have ignored this and pushed myself
• · If I have seen pro-ana sites through research etc, I am not drawn into them. Instead I think not those silly sites! And click off them
• · My life does not revolve around my eating disorder
• · Looking at me you would never know I had had anorexia
• · I am not dictated by size. I have a range of sizes in my wardrobe as no two sizes are the same in shops. I know sometimes I need a 12 in coats and bikini tops as I can’t fit my boobs in!
• · I love having curves and bigger boobs. People compliment me on them and my gay friend calls me Tit tastic!

 

I hope you found this inspiring and helpful. I was honest and I hope people don’t think I was triggering or think negative things. I am a healthy, curvy size 8 who knows she doesn’t fit into every size 8 and I am fine with that.

 

Recovery to me means living my life and challenging myself rather than staying safe in my anorexic bubble.

 

Recovery means being alive. And that’s the important part. Being recovered means being alive. It means you can enjoy life and do whatever you set your mind to. I will always choose recovery and I will always raise awareness about eating disorders. I’m a survivor and you are too.

Recovery is for YOU. Make it YOURS and one day I hope you will be eating chips with your fingers too :)